How to communicate effectively

Have you ever promised yourself you'd stay composed next time… only for your tone to sharpen, your heart to race or your thinking to spiral the moment you feel challenged?

Are you doing all the "right" leadership things, yet somehow your message keeps being misunderstood, resisted or emotionally charged?

Leadership isn't about being the loudest voice in the room. It's about emotional regulation, clarity and the ability to influence without force.

In this Lunch and Learn, Aurore Prefumo helps you discover why leadership begins internally and why mindset alone isn't enough.

She explores how subconscious patterns shape the way you communicate, respond under pressure, handle conflict and inspire trust.

Topics covered in this session

• Why high performers still struggle with difficult conversations

• How emotional triggers silently impact decision-making

• The key shift that moves you from reactive to respected

About the speaker

Aurore is a rapid transformational therapy (RTT) hypnotherapist, relationship and fertility coach who specialises in helping high-functioning adults break subconscious patterns that keep them stuck.

Through a blend of psychological insight and practical tools, she supports individuals in becoming calmer, clearer and more effective in business and in life.

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Transcript

Lightly edited for clarity.

Caitriona: Hello, everyone and welcome to today's Lunch and Learn. My name is Caitriona and I'll be your host today. For those of you attending a Lunch and Learn for the first time, Enterprise Nation is a vibrant community platform for start-ups and small businesses.

I'm pleased to introduce Aurora, who is a hypnotherapist and coach. In this session, Aurora will help you discover why leadership begins internally and why mindset alone isn't enough.

If you have any questions throughout the webinar, please pop them in the chat and we'll do our best to answer them at the end of the session. Today's webinar will be recorded and we will send a follow-up email with the recording and further resources later today. Over to you, Aurora.

Aurora: Thank you very much.

Hi, everybody. Thank you for having me today. Today's session looks at leadership and why, for many of us, it's not really a leadership problem but a subconscious alignment problem.

We may have various strategies, but none of them seems to be working because the nervous system isn't able to implement the changes we want to make. The nervous system looks at what's familiar, what feels uncertain and your belief system around rejection, pressure and how you manage pressure.

Often, it quietly sabotages the strategies you're trying to implement to get your business going. Today, we're going to look at that internal, invisible architecture that's quietly running your business.

We're going to look at how to communicate effectively, the architecture of authority and why leadership starts in the subconscious, not the spreadsheet. My name is Aurora. I am a hypnotherapist and I help people rewire their belief system to embody a successful life.

This session will cover why high performers struggle with difficult conversations. We're going to look at the emotional triggers silently impacting your decision-making and, very importantly, the key shift that moves you from reacting to responding and being respected.

If you have any questions or insights throughout, please put them in the chat. I would love to answer your questions and comments afterwards.

I love working with the subconscious mind because it really is your invisible CEO. Why is that? Because 90% to 95% of your behaviour comes from your subconscious mind. Nearly all of your behaviour is subconscious.

People might think they are consciously running their business. They might think they are in control of it, whether that's hiring people or attracting clients, but unfortunately these are all unconscious behaviours on autopilot.

We have control over only about 5% to 10% of the decisions we make. This image here on the right shows the hidden mass at the bottom: all of your beliefs, your nervous system and who you identify yourself with.

Those belief systems will dictate 90% to 95% of what you actually see in your physical world: the strategies, the systems you implement and the revenue that comes your way.

Once we get the identity at the bottom sorted out and look at what's really running the show, then we are in a better position to change the trajectory of that visible tip: to implement instead of procrastinate and to create systems that feel aligned to you and generate more revenue because your nervous system feels safer to receive.

It's very important, when we look at leadership, to look at the strategy that sits below the surface, below what you actually see in your day-to-day life.

Today I'd like to introduce you to the ultimate leadership compass. Tony Robbins talks about six basic needs and very often we need to look at our needs to see where we're getting triggered.

For many of us, we get triggered on a daily basis. But what if we looked at being triggered and said, there is something that's not sitting right here? For me, it all comes down to needs.

I love looking at needs because when we know our needs, when we can identify them, we are in a position to strategise better. Very often, unfortunately, we do not feel enough. We do not feel safe enough to receive, in terms of revenue. We do not feel safe enough to put ourselves out there in front of the camera and be more visible.

We don't feel good enough about what we are doing. So when we look at all of these "I am not enough" beliefs, it's really coming from that internal invisible CEO: the subconscious mind.

There are six needs. The first is the need for certainty. We want a sense of safety and control over our day-to-day life, in how we run our business and in our private life as well.

There is also a need for variety, otherwise we get bored. Understanding and appreciating that need for change is very important. Some people are very good at it and some aren't.

That's why it's very important, when we look at all those needs, to identify your top three. What is it that you need in your business that will leave you feeling satisfied and getting your needs met? Because when your needs are met, you are less easily triggered.

That matters whether you're connecting to a customer or a client who is happy, unhappy, or has a different set of needs that we may not understand.

There is a need to feel value and significance. Where am I bringing value? When you strategise something, is it significant? Do you feel valued? Do you feel proud of yourself?

There is also a need to connect to others, maintaining a loving or respectful connection. That may come across as undercharging in order to maintain the connection and avoid rejection.

Rejection can also come from the belief, "I am not enough. I am going to be rejected."

There is also a need for growth: looking at micromanaging others, looking at our own growth, structure and asking how we grow as a person in the business. What do we need to learn? What do we need to implement?

And finally, there is contribution: the attempts you make to contribute to society, to your family, to charitable institutions, or anything else. What is your contribution to the world?

When we look at those needs, you want to identify your top three because those will dictate your daily behaviour. They will dictate how you react to the world.

So if you want to, perhaps put your top three in the chat. What are your top three when it comes to the business? How do you want to feel? How do you want to feel less triggered?

It may be a slightly different approach, but we want to look at those leadership triggers. When a client comes to you with questions or concerns about the service or the price, how do you react?

Do you explain? Do you get nervous? I'm very much about how your body feels in that moment.

Do you feel the need to be reassured? Do you feel the need to take over control? Do you discount? How do you react?

You'll notice the body is always giving you a signal before you actually get triggered. Importantly, what sort of outcome are you looking to meet, subconsciously or consciously?

Most leadership behaviours are not strategic decisions. They mainly come from unmet needs and a lot of the time unconscious needs that we are not consciously aware of.

What I also like to add when it comes to leadership is attachment styles. I strongly believe attachment style is very important when it comes to how we respond to others and how we relate to others.

Even though it initially comes from our surroundings when we were little, from how our parents treated us and how emotionally and physically present they were in our lives, we then transfer those patterns into our adult life at work and into our business.

Understanding attachment style and, again, your triggers and emotional responses will enable you to feel more empowered in your leadership.

There are four types of attachment styles. The first is anxious. We'll look at anxious leaders and there's no judgment here, because we all have our own attachment style that many of us work through.

Often, when I talk to people, friends and clients, they're being micromanaged. That comes from the belief that we are not enough, so we micromanage, overcommunicate and seek reassurance.

How do you do that in your own business?

Some others may be avoidant leaders, who delay difficult situations, struggle to get in touch with their emotions and feelings and struggle to delegate because they feel the need to control. If they delegate, they feel they are losing control.

But really, we do not have control when 90 to 95 percent of our behaviour is subconscious. So if we're wanting to communicate, we need to understand what's going on in our own nervous system.

Then you have disorganised leaders who oscillate between control and withdrawal. They may change their mind quite often and sometimes it can be a little toxic.

Then you have secure leaders who are able to regulate themselves and are inspiring. These are leaders who are happy to hear criticism in a constructive way that helps bring the business to the next level. They are very inclusive because they are secure within themselves.

You might come across people like that, or you might have some elements of that. The most important part is that it's possible to shift away from this.

When we work on attachment style and the emotional patterns we developed very early on, we become more open to accepting, evolving and growing. These attachment styles can certainly change and once the changes are implemented, you feel more empowered and become more empowered as the leader you want to embody.

So here is the key leadership question for reflection: when pressure is building, how do you react? Do you tend to control? Do you tend to people-please? Do you simply avoid? Do you overwork to compensate?

Which pattern is most relatable for you? Which comes up first?

Most founders recognise themselves in one or more of them. But the key thing to understand is that these are learned behaviours. They are not personality traits. They are protective mechanisms.

In hypnotherapy, when I work with clients, what I often see is a need for the subconscious mind to protect you. It either protects you, prioritises you, or punishes you. Very few people get punished, but that's a discussion for another time.

Primarily, these are protective mechanisms designed to keep you safe and keep you in the familiar. So my invitation is for you to assess what is familiar, because what's familiar is not allowing you to grow. What's familiar is not giving you the boost to move beyond those boundaries, what we call in NLP your inner map, your map of the world.

We always talk about pushing yourself a little harder, just going outside of your comfort zone. When we do that, we embrace the unfamiliar and make the unfamiliar familiar.

Leadership growth begins when we become more aware of those patterns, aware of your internal dialogue. Awareness gives us a choice. We can choose our next step.

And when you can choose your next step, that's when you have control. It's conscious control.

Let's look again at the nervous system and leadership.

You want to think of yourself as the emotional thermostat for your business because your nervous system is setting the tone.

When you have a leader who is dysregulated, negotiations feel threatening. Boundaries collapse. There is inconsistency in pricing and in how you show up to the world.

However, when you have a nervous system that is regulated and grounded, there is clarity. Because you believe more and more in yourself and what you are able to do. Not only that, you get to take action because you're not procrastinating anymore.

When you're not procrastinating, your business is actually growing. You are actually being a business owner, a business leader.

Decisions become cleaner and clearer because you are trusting yourself. That is embodying leadership capability.

So how do we interrupt those patterns? As I mentioned before, I am all about needs.

The first thing I normally encourage my clients to do is notice how the body feels, because the body is your antenna. The mind interprets it afterwards, but your body will tell you something before you get triggered.

In that moment, I want you to notice what is happening in your body. I want you to notice what it is that you're not happy with and I want you to identify your need.

It might be a need for certainty. Something might be confusing and what you need is certainty, because that brings you back to feeling safe, capable and in control.

You want to identify the specific need that is not being met in that moment. The subconscious is always protecting you, remember that.

Once you identify that need, you want to breathe in and out. Then you want to ask, what one thing can I do to get that need met in this moment?

Once you are able to identify your need, communication gets better. You identify the need. You breathe. You use some breathing techniques, whether that's a full breath in, a pause for five or six and then a long exhale for eight, nine, or ten.

Do that three times and then strategise. What one thing do I need in that moment that will help me get what I need? Then you respond.

Identifying your need is crucial. It's vital. So when you go back to the slide and look at the six basic needs, you can begin to strategise from there.

Now let's look at the real leadership upgrade.

Most founders upgrade strategy. Strategy is important and I'm not saying it isn't. But strategy on its own, with a nervous system that is not regulated, is going to be chaotic.

We're trying to implement so many things, but we're not really achieving anything. Very few people upgrade that internal, invisible, powerful CEO, which is your subconscious mind.

Once this is upgraded, you are in a much better position to embody your leadership and become the leader you want to become.

My invitation is to move away from survival leadership into authority. You want to claim your authority.

To do that, you shift from "I must prove myself," which again comes from "I am not enough" and "I am not good enough," into a place where you trust yourself and believe in yourself.

You come to a place of feeling very comfortable with yourself, with your product and with going out there without procrastination and without overthinking, but instead taking action.

So we're moving from control, overworking, fear, indecision and proving ourselves, to clarity, powerful boundaries, self-respect, self-love, self-fulfilment and strategic decisions grounded in trust.

When you start having trust in yourself, you start hiring people who share your values and who you work easily with.

I've included a few testimonials from people I have worked with who've moved away from unhelpful patterns through hypnotherapy and empowered coaching sessions to get their business to the next level.

I mainly work with the subconscious mind, shifting energy patterns and old patterns that do not belong in today's world. The result is amazing.

You get people who had clients who hadn't paid them for a year starting to pay them. They gain more clarity about where they want to go, implement new ways of doing things and actually take action.

In personal life, they remove blocks around confidence. In terms of visibility, they become more visible to the world, even on social media, posting more and really embodying the leader they want to become in their own lives.

If you have any questions, I would love to answer them.

My invitation for you is to become that embodied leader. I talk about leadership realignment, looking at the internal architecture that drives your day-to-day leadership.

I'm inviting you to work with me, where you will get a deep subconscious hypnotherapy session, about two to three hours long. Alongside that come free strategic leadership sessions and one hour of personalised leadership pattern mapping.

The value of this leadership realignment intensive is an investment of £997. But today, for Enterprise Nation, it's only £597 and it's available for five leaders who are ready to take the next step.

This is for those who procrastinate, those who fear visibility and those who know there are blocks they are aware of but cannot move through in order to get to the next stage.

I'll put the QR code here and there is also the Bitly link, which someone can put in the chat. That's there for you as an invitation to help your business move to the next phase and the next level of feeling liberated, empowered and clear about where you want to go next.

I'd like to thank you very much for listening to me and for being here during lunch. I know that your business will only grow to the level of the nervous system running it and if you want to optimise yourself and your business, it's vital to upgrade that internal architecture.

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