Coffee chats to contracts: Networking that actually works

Let's be honest – most of us are doing networking wrong.

We treat conversations like transactions. We insert small talk, then wait for a contract to fall out. It's exhausting and it's inauthentic. And for many business owners, it's quietly demoralising.

After years of working with founders and freelancers, I've found one pattern is consistent. The people who benefit most from networking aren't the loudest or the slickest.

They're the ones who show up as themselves, ask better questions and play the long game.

Connection over confidence

There's a persistent myth that to be good at networking, you must be an extrovert or have natural confidence.

In reality, it asks for something far more accessible – genuine interest in other people.

Jeannie Shapiro of Think Jeannie has run networking groups for over a decade. This is how she puts it:

"Networking isn't about being extroverted – it's about authentic connection, reciprocity, consistency and being able to talk about what you do in ways that spark interest."

Many experienced and capable founders avoid networking because they think they're "bad at it".

In practice, they're often trying to perform a version of networking that doesn't suit them.

The most meaningful conversations rarely begin with a pitch. Instead, they begin with honesty, about challenges, assumptions and what's actually going on behind the scenes of a business.

Ultimately, people connect with curiosity, shared uncertainty and real-world context.

The power of intelligent curiosity

Don't think of networking as a way to talk about what you do.

Networking is effective when you understand someone else's world well enough to spot opportunities – for them, for you or for both of you.

Instead of asking "What do you do?", try your questions on themes like:

• What was your last milestone achievement in your business?

• What's proving harder than you expected in your business right now?

• What's the most exciting thing coming up for your business?

• What assumptions about your market turned out to be wrong?

• What would make the next six months feel like progress?

My questions are currently:

• What are you excited about, other than the pastries?

• How are you using AI at the moment?

• What was the best thing about last year?

This shift changes the dynamic. Conversations become exploratory rather than performative. Trust builds faster and opportunities arise naturally.

As Jeannie notes, business relationships don't often form after one event. They build through familiarity, repeated contact and small moments of helpfulness over time.

Lowering the pressure at events

One reason networking feels uncomfortable is timing. Walking into a room already buzzing with conversation can feel daunting, even for networking mavens.

Tejas Kotecha, from Tejas Kotecha Communications suggests three practical ways to reduce that pressure:

1. Arrive a few minutes early. It's often the easiest time to meet people and settle in before the room fills.

2. Use the organisers. Ask for introductions – that's part of their role. It creates a natural opening for conversation.

3. Create graceful exits and entries. Learn how to move on politely or bring other people into a conversation, so interactions stay light and fluid.

These small adjustments can make networking feel less forced and far more manageable.

Why follow-up is where networking fails

Most networking doesn't fail at the event, but afterwards.

We have good conversations, exchange details and then… nothing. Excitement fades, names blur and potential value is lost.

Effective follow-up is about demonstrating that you listened.

A short message within 24 hours, sharing a relevant article, making an introduction or referring to something specific they mentioned, is often enough to stand out.

Simple systems help here. Whether it's notes on LinkedIn, writing on a business card, a lightweight CRM or voice notes to yourself, the goal is the same – remember what matters to people, not just what they do.

VIDEO: Mastering the art of networking

Learn practical ways to nurture meaningful relationships and turn those connections into opportunities.

From transactions to relationships

When you approach networking as a long-term relationship rather than a short-term transaction, everything changes.

• You stop chasing immediate returns and start building your reputation.

• Referrals increase and partnerships emerge.

• Opportunities arrive indirectly, often months after the first conversation.

As Jeannie observes, many people feel disappointed after one or two events because they haven't won work. In reality, that expectation misunderstands how trust develops.

Networking works best when it's consistent, human and done with no real agenda.

The coffee is just the beginning. The contract is the by-product. The real value is a professional community built on trust, familiarity and mutual support.

Key takeaways on how to network more effectively

• Arrive with curiosity, not a pitch. The real goal of networking is to understand people. Ask thoughtful questions that help you see how someone's business really works.

• Be yourself, not a performance version of you. Networking works best when you show up as a whole human, not a polished persona. Authenticity builds trust faster than confidence theatre.

• Lower the pressure at events. Arriving early, using organisers for introductions, and moving fluidly between conversations all make networking feel easier and more natural.

• Follow up while the conversation is fresh. A short, thoughtful message within 24 hours, mentioning something specific, is often what makes you memorable.

• Play the long game. Most business relationships don't form at a single event. They develop through consistency, familiarity and small acts of usefulness over time.

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